Finding My Voice in the Chaos of Life

What it took to find my real self

I’ve been struggling to write this. The failed attempts are piling up. It’s essential that this be right because it’s the cornerstone of my future writing.

This is your first impression of me and my work. Okay, a little bit of perfectionist is coming out now. I’m working on that issue.

The problem is, I can’t find my voice. I have a lot of them rattling around in my brain, but none of them are mine. I hear my family, former frenemies, and a host of others. My voice wasn’t audible.

My family has passed on years ago, but I still hear their jabs and comments. Until recently, I thought this was my inner voice.

I grew up in a tightly wound family. As a result, I’m super wound. Somewhere along the way, my mainspring broke and I’m finally unwinding slowly. The pandemic helped make that happen.

The truth is, I’ve spent the pandemic years getting my life straight. a lot of drama and trauma pushed me to do it. It’s a blessing in disguise.

It’ll be 17 years since my Mom died. She was the last of my family. I miss her a lot but not her criticism, etc.

It was after her death that I discovered there was no “me”. I was adrift and felt hollow inside. “No one needed me”, was what I…